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Monday, May 09, 2005

Kingdom of Boredom

Well, I once again ventured out into the world on a Friday night with my better half to take in a high budget movie on its opening weekend. Aside from fighting the usual crowd of pre-teens and annoying prices (3.50 for a bottle of water?!), I was hoping to be entertained. We picked Kingdom of Heaven. I'm a fan of Orlando Bloom and Liam Neison is pretty good too (i enjoyed Rob Roy a lot). Alas, entertainment was not what this movie delivered.

The movie begins grimly enough with Bloom's character working at a forge while his wife is buried after committing suicide. Along rides a knight who just happens to be his father. Bloom suddenly finds he's the bastard son of a noble with a nice plot of land and title waiting for him once Neison's character dies. O-k... Sounds like a bad role playing game right off the bat. But I still have some hopes for a story or at least one character who has more than one dimension.

Through out the movie, I was let down. The characters are weak and never develop past one aspect of their characteristic (Bloom was noble and "knightly" through out). The story really never takes off and grabs you, nor do the characters who just spit out their lines and seem to be praying for the next time they can stop talking and start swinging a sword. Where there could have been more political intrigue, Director Ridley Scott left me hanging. The affair was barely explored between Bloom's character and a Templar Knight's wife.

You find yourself not sure if you should root for the wise and noble Saladin as he leads the Muslims to regain Jerusalem after the Templar Knights slaughtered Muslims, or if you should root for the noble to a fault Bloom. Where there was room for a story you're given a half-assed attempt at the banter between kings. The computer effects weren't nearly as impressive as The Return of the King. Scott tries to gives you a siege equal to Mordor assaulting the White City.. But you're left with lacking graphics and less inspiring speeches.

Overall it just wasn't that entertaining. It gets a 2.5 our of 5. Average acting, so-so effects, horrible character development left me bored and ready to write this review.

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